Not Saying Goodbye

I don't know how to say goodbye

To the girl at the coffee stand,

Or the trainer at the gym,

Or my mother.

2.9 million people work, eat, and dream with me;

I don't know them all,

But there are invisible spider threads joining us,

And how do I disconnect these lines?

I don't know how to say goodbye.

And, it's true, I can't figure out the right syntax,

The correct arrangement of consonants and vowels,

Just the right tone and facial expression

That would help me say it.

I don't know how to say goodbye.

Instead I pretend that I'm not leaving.

I never say anything final

Or even cry.

The Potter

Lord, shape me

Upon Your wheel;

Move me, change me,

Take me higher up.

I will lose my self-will.

I will send my pride away.

I will meekly accept Your will.

I will choose to be humble.

I trust You to create in me

The beauty that I long for.

I trust You to skillfully craft

A vessel of honor

Fit for Your use.

The Stoic One

I take it in the gut, every time

When I'm the recipient, the acceptor,

The bearer of another's burden.

It's then I falter, stretching for a handhold,

Leaning, tilting, trying not to fall, knowing,

She can't hold me up.

And so I take it, take the dagger to the stomach

With not a whimper (because I can't afford a whimper),

I keep talking through my teeth until I find space

To limp away and lick my wounds.

It's difficult, although I'm trying not to whine;

(See, it's not my place to whine;

I'm the stoic one).

When I'm wounded this way, I need a soft place to fall, but

I'm the only me that I know.

Nothing

For 40 minutes I tried to write... and for 40 minutes I got nothing useful. It happens sometimes. I imagine even Shakespeare had days like this.

The Mask

A danger, named, is robbed of

The worst kind of fear: uncertainty.

Whether a giant or small monster,

Or child looms behind the mask

I can't know.

And when I am uncertain, I can't

Step forward this way or that, only

Hole up in my footprints waiting for

A message that may never have been mailed.

Each day the quizzes twist my brain,

Twist my thinking until nothing seems upright.

It's only when I remember that God is never uncertain,

Never unknowing, never unloving,

That I condense into one whole trusting self, and

Move onward, unafraid.

Goodbye

To the tiny red-veined leaves, to the sparkling wet grasses

I say goodbye

To this intersection, to the hole in the parking space

I say goodbye

To the cluttered faces of houses of people I don't know

I say goodbye

As I enter the door, to the grimy doorknob

I say goodbye

And to every floor tile, the white, the gray, even the chipped ones

I say goodbye

And to my mother, with eyes like mine, and mouth set to acceptance

I say goodbye

And to my father, my soul's image, through any other words

I say goodbye

And as I say goodbye, I know that the barest molecules of me will remain behind, still clinging to this life.

Honey

I found a well of honey

Far from the common ground;

Dipping down into its depth,

I discovered a magnificent sweetness.

Surprised, I thought I must be mistaken,

But each time I drew it up, it remained

Sugared like the taste of lovers' lips.

What good fortune to discover such a prize!

No bitter drops tainted my nectar.

Determined to keep it for myself,

I sold all I had to buy this well.