Perpetual Project

I've been out of school for over a week now, but I've been staying pretty busy working on my house. This project is going to eat me. Reminding myself that I'm getting it done bit by bit is the only way I can keep myself from being overwhelmed.

Here's a few things I've learned so far:

1. Don't pick out paint by looking for your favorite color amongst the 7 billion paint chips. Instead find something you like that's going in that room (a picture, a piece of furniture, etc.) and pick colors that jive with it. Also remember that what is bright and cheery on a tiny paint chip is going to be screaming at you when it's all over the walls. I still haven't got up the nerve to actually buy any paint other than primer.

2. Remodeling creates trash. It creates broken pieces of wood with nails sticking out everywhere. It creates packaging lying around. It creates parts of dismantled objects strewn across the room. It creates an old mattress in the back yard. Well, not really. We pushed that one out the door ourselves.

3. Everything I need to buy is expensive. Remodeling may be cheaper than buying new, but it still ain't cheap. I'm pretty sure I'm going to buy used appliances from newspaper ads just for this reason.

4. The best part so far is that I can work for a few hours, then sit back and see what I've done. It's slow, but I can SEE progress. That's good.

Maybe I will get some pictures up here eventually so all of you at home can see it too!

Growing

I've been waiting a lot lately. In my life, there are several things up in the air right now, and I'm not sure how they are going to work out. There is not much I can do to hurry them along, so I'm left wondering and waiting.

I don't like to wait. Unfinished business stresses me out. Uncertainty scares me. I want to know what is going to happen, and I want to know it now.

God doesn't give me what I want when I want it, though. He wants me to have faith in His work. He's not so much interested in keeping me happy as He is interested in making me holy, and holiness is not a character trait one can pick up at the grocery store. It's a life-long process.

I want to grow fast. I want to jump in and be a spiritual giant all at once. The Lord reminds me that growth occurs little by little. A sapling doesn't become a tree in an hour, a day, or a year, but over a lifetime. In the same way, my growth is occurring a little at a time. I'm extending my branches day by day.

But, oh, am I impatient to get there! And not only that, but I try to grow my own fruit. I nurse along little sucker branches that I know shouldn't be there. Somehow I think that if they grow big enough and strong enough, God will allow them to become part of the tree. I spend precious energy nourishing those branches, just to have the Gardener come along and SNIP them off. Oh, that hurts!

I'm encouraged, though, because I feel like my faith IS growing. Even if it's just baby steps, little by little, inch by inch, it's something. And whether or not my life issues get resolved to my liking or not, I have faith that they will be resolved in the way that is BEST for me.

Memorial Day Weekend

o0O 4 More Days of School O0o

Awesome.

It's been a great Memorial Day weekend. I have spent time with grandparents, aunts, uncles, great-aunts, cousins, and some people who I never have figured out the exact relational title. Spending time with relatives is a bit like looking in the mirror, although the image that stares back at you is not EXACTLY like you. It's interesting to see how genetics play out among the different members of the family.

My brother-in-law preached at my church this Sunday. He talked about how we as Christians have to look around us, see what's going on, and make a plan for what we're doing in our Christian walk. After all, the Devil has plans. If we are to be successful at what we do, first of all we need to know what we are attempting to do. Most of the time, and I speak for myself here, we just float along without considering the big picture.

That's it for deep thoughts today. I will have to be more imaginative next week.

Odds and Ends

o0O 9 More Days of School O0o

Indeed, school is almost done except for final tests and wrapping up of Stuff. You know, very important Stuff like Awards, Turning In of Books, and Cleaning Out of Lockers. Of course, there is also the ever-present desire to have a Free Day. Which is not entirely unattractive to the teacher as well as the student, but the teacher, being the Adult, has to say, Sorry, Kids, No Dice.

Since it is my last year at Clarendon, I'm feeling a bit nostalgic about the whole thing. I even got a bit of moisture in my eyes at graduation on Friday. I keep looking at the kids and thinking about how they're going to grow up, how they're going to have a different teacher next year, how they're going to forget all about me in about 20 days. Yeah.

I still don't have a job lined up for next year. If you know of anything open in my area, drop me a line, please. I have been doing quite a bit of scouting with no luck so far.

In other news, I bought a new laptop. The keyboard went out in my old one. It might be repairable, but I couldn't see going without for two or three weeks. When I realized that the old computer was that far gone, I got a knowledgeable friend to help me pick a new one out. I've been thinking about buying one for a while, but hadn't done it because of the expense. Now I am learning how to use Windows 7. (It's surprisingly similar to Mac OS X.)

Guess I'm ready to be back at school tomorrow bright and early! As I often tell myself, whether the days go badly or well, they will go.

Red + Blue

run run run
Red runs
Red runs far
come back, Red
Red does not hear

Blue stays
Blue stays home
come back, Red, says Blue
Red does not hear

Blue is sad
Red is too far
Blue does not like it

Red is sad
Red is too far
Red does not like it
Red will run now
Red will run home

No Answers

o0O 19 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL O0o

Yes, indeed, and only three more Mondays to go because Memorial Day is a holiday. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

I am feeling less stressed now, mainly because I took Friday off and went to see my sister and her new baby for a couple of days. It was very relaxing to play with the niece and nephew and help my sister go shopping. Mommies with small children don't do anything quickly, and that's exactly what I needed, a slow pace. I do have to remind myself often that "more" plus "quickly" doesn't always equal "better."

No real solutions to anything that's been hovering unanswered have appeared. In fact, other unpleasant issues have arisen. But that's OK. I know God is in charge, and I know He loves me. If there is anything to suffer through, I will suffer through it holding His hand, and I know I can make it with Him.

OK, I promise next time I will post on a lighter topic.

HELP!

o0O 24 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL O0o

I am still stressing. I don't know how to make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!

I know I don't have much to worry about. I know that it will all work out. Still, it's like there's something broken in my brain and I can't turn it off. And there's also a big part of me that just wants to escape and not have to deal with life.

Lately I've just felt, well, neurotic. Mainly I just want people to leave me alone. I want to do my own thing without interference. When people (especially my family) disrupt my plans, the grouch monster returns.

I apologize for my rotten mood. It is seriously icky and I need to get rid of it. I would say I'm trying, but I'm really not, cause I've lost all motivation. My Superhero will have to dig me out of this one.