Teaching

School starts tomorrow. Need I say more?

This is actually the most prepared and least nervous I have felt on the night before the first day. I hope that is a sign of good things to come.

A teacher friend told me not to quit teaching until I have taught for five years. Then, he said, I would be able to truly judge whether I like it or not. And now, here I am on my fifth year!

I would write more, but in the spirit of procrastination, I have left work for myself to do that I must get done tonight.

Good night!

Last Days of Freedom

Here I am again, whiling the last days of summer plumb away. I have five more days of freedom.

So, you ask, what are you going to do with your five days of freedom? (Well, if you didn't ask, I'll just pretend you did.) And I answer this way:

1. I'm going to see my boyfriend. Yes, I have one now, and yes, it is still kinda new to me, but really awesome.
2. I'm going to work in my classroom. I am teaching at a new school this year, and there is a lot to do to get it together. So, yeah, I'm going to spend some of my last days of freedom working. :(
3. I'm going to sleep late. I don't know what else to say about that. I hate getting up at 5:30 and that is what I'm going to have to do for the next nine months. I must take this last opportunity to sleep in.
4. I'm going to make a really awesome slide show about myself that I can show to my students. I might have to make stuff up.
5. I might join a gym. A friend has been bugging me about it for weeks, and I really need to. I might then have the motivation to actually exercise.

Is there anything else I really oughta do?

Life As I Know It

It's a rare moment when I am not feeling rushed, and now is one of those moments. I'm hiding in a coffee shop, where no one knows me. It's an hour and a half before I have to be anywhere. They're playing calm music. (Is it not strange that places whose main function is to sell a stimulant are usually quiet and calm?)

I'm currently working as a music teacher at the elementary school in my home town. Since I'm not certified to teach music, I am taking music classes at Harding University. So not only am I doing a new subject, at a new school, with new grades, but I am going to class two nights a week as well. It was a bit overwhelming at first, but I think I am getting used to it now.

I will post again next time I can string two thoughts together.

Odds and Ends

o0O 9 More Days of School O0o

Indeed, school is almost done except for final tests and wrapping up of Stuff. You know, very important Stuff like Awards, Turning In of Books, and Cleaning Out of Lockers. Of course, there is also the ever-present desire to have a Free Day. Which is not entirely unattractive to the teacher as well as the student, but the teacher, being the Adult, has to say, Sorry, Kids, No Dice.

Since it is my last year at Clarendon, I'm feeling a bit nostalgic about the whole thing. I even got a bit of moisture in my eyes at graduation on Friday. I keep looking at the kids and thinking about how they're going to grow up, how they're going to have a different teacher next year, how they're going to forget all about me in about 20 days. Yeah.

I still don't have a job lined up for next year. If you know of anything open in my area, drop me a line, please. I have been doing quite a bit of scouting with no luck so far.

In other news, I bought a new laptop. The keyboard went out in my old one. It might be repairable, but I couldn't see going without for two or three weeks. When I realized that the old computer was that far gone, I got a knowledgeable friend to help me pick a new one out. I've been thinking about buying one for a while, but hadn't done it because of the expense. Now I am learning how to use Windows 7. (It's surprisingly similar to Mac OS X.)

Guess I'm ready to be back at school tomorrow bright and early! As I often tell myself, whether the days go badly or well, they will go.

No Answers

o0O 19 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL O0o

Yes, indeed, and only three more Mondays to go because Memorial Day is a holiday. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

I am feeling less stressed now, mainly because I took Friday off and went to see my sister and her new baby for a couple of days. It was very relaxing to play with the niece and nephew and help my sister go shopping. Mommies with small children don't do anything quickly, and that's exactly what I needed, a slow pace. I do have to remind myself often that "more" plus "quickly" doesn't always equal "better."

No real solutions to anything that's been hovering unanswered have appeared. In fact, other unpleasant issues have arisen. But that's OK. I know God is in charge, and I know He loves me. If there is anything to suffer through, I will suffer through it holding His hand, and I know I can make it with Him.

OK, I promise next time I will post on a lighter topic.

HELP!

o0O 24 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL O0o

I am still stressing. I don't know how to make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!

I know I don't have much to worry about. I know that it will all work out. Still, it's like there's something broken in my brain and I can't turn it off. And there's also a big part of me that just wants to escape and not have to deal with life.

Lately I've just felt, well, neurotic. Mainly I just want people to leave me alone. I want to do my own thing without interference. When people (especially my family) disrupt my plans, the grouch monster returns.

I apologize for my rotten mood. It is seriously icky and I need to get rid of it. I would say I'm trying, but I'm really not, cause I've lost all motivation. My Superhero will have to dig me out of this one.

Ending/Beginning (Because They're the Same)

...49 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL...

Yes, I am getting ready for this school year to be over. The seniors have about a month left, then they will be gone. We've finished one end-of-course test (literacy), but there are a jillion left to get through (algebra, algebra II, geometry, biology), and there are all the AP tests, the 9th grade norm-referenced test, and the benchmarks for 7th and 8th grades (which luckily won't affect me). Actually, none of the tests affect my subjects at all (a blessing). They just interrupt my classes.

Tests are what we are going to be suffering through over the next 49 days. Then when we finish all of those, we are going to give our own semester tests. And I hope I can squeeze in the rest of the material that I need to cover for the year, especially in Physical Science. Reteaching topics that the students had trouble with slowed us down a lot. (But of course moving ahead when they still don't get it makes about as much sense as putting your shoes on before your socks.)

On the home front, since I have resigned my position for next year, I have been scouting for jobs at schools closer to home. I've had a few jobs turn up, but not a lot. I am feeling a bit nervous, but excited about what next year is going to bring.

I'm also working on my house. I have a mobile home parked on my dad's land. It has electricity hooked up to it, but that's all. It is in no way livable right now, and I really want to be able to move in when school is out June 4th. Before I move in I have to get a driveway laid, the water line run from the meter, the floors redone (they have water damage), the walls painted, and some new appliances put in. That is not the work of one weekend.

OK, so I am going a bit crazy with these tasks swimming around in my head. Maybe I should start a few dozen lists...

My Valentine's Day Post

I love my students.

You probably wouldn't think so after I've spent a day with them. I tend to get frustrated and tired, and at the end of the day I am completely ready to go home. Still, there's a bond there that can't be denied.

I worry about my students. I worry about the ones who use drugs on a regular basis. I worry about the ones who can barely read and write. I worry about the ones who have young children or babies on the way. I worry about the ones who are used and abused.

I laugh inside when a student says, "You just don't like me." If they only knew that I pour my soul into my work day after day. If they only knew that I cannot allow myself to fail them. If they only knew how I agonize over them when they fail.

I have to remind myself often that it's not my job to always help them. That it's my job to show them how they can help themselves. That it's my job to guide them into being fully capable students. And maybe guide them into being better people.

Finally, I have to remember that I can't change them. They can choose to listen to my teaching, or they can choose to ignore me. It's not up to me, no matter how I feel.

That's a freeing thought. I love them, and let them go.

Cabin Fever

It was a long weekend, a very long weekend. School was canceled Friday because of the icy roads. The roads also kept me from going ANYWHERE for the past three days. (Except church, but that's only a couple of blocks from my house.)

Since I couldn't go anywhere, I had to keep myself entertained at home. I'm like a four-year-old when it comes to entertainment. I am easily bored.

On Friday I managed to grade most of my students' papers (I had a four-inch stack), do the laundry, burn off a cd, and watch two movies (House and Groundhog Day). Saturday I finished all my lesson plans for the week and the weekly agenda that I give to the students. I don't think I have ever before finished everything I had to do for school over a weekend, but the snow and ice drove me to it.

By 2 PM on Saturday I couldn't stand to be in the house much longer. Since I was warned against driving, I went for a walk instead, if you can call it a walk. I think I slid more than I took actual steps. I'm still sore. Almost falling dozens of times is better than crunches at working those abs.

Later on Saturday, I decided a project was in order. I have a book of sewing projects using old jeans, and I've been collecting them for a while in preparation for this. Finally I had time to work on it.

What I made was a balloon skirt. The instructions call for one pair of old jeans. The problem is, you are supposed to cut the legs in half for the bottom part of the skirt. Since they are folded under, however, that makes the skirt shorter than I think people would appreciate from me. Instead I used two pair of jeans and didn't cut the legs in half. Viola! A knee-length skirt. Much better on the eyes. I also patched up all the holes in the top part of the jeans with another pair of jeans. (Hey, these jeans were thrown away for a reason!) Oh, yeah, and another alteration was that I had to put a triangle of fabric in the hip area. These weren't my jeans to start with and weren't exactly my size. Picture follows.


I was so happy with my creation (despite being told it should only be worn on Halloween) that I wore it to church Sunday night. (It would have been much warmer if I had leggings to wear under it.)I I felt like a biker chick because ended up wearing a black dress shirt and black boots with it. I don't have a picture of that, unfortunately.

So tomorrow, back to work (assuming I can get there) and no more boredom for a while!

Having Fun at Work

The best part of teaching is playing games with the students. I love it when a class has a running joke with me, or even when a kid has a running joke with me. It makes the day more cheerful if we can have a little fun.

My 8th period class is one example. At some point, I told them that I thought David Archuleta was cute. Of course, they ran with this. Things have progressed so that now David and I have been dating, engaged, and through a break-up. They add to the story almost daily. I pretend to be annoyed, but I actually think it is rather funny.

Fifth period always tries to outsmart me with some kind of word play. This is my pre-AP class, and they are stretching their mental muscle. Since I've got a few years on them, it's hard for them to catch me, but occasionally one of them does. Then that student is happy for the rest of the period.

One of my favorite games to play is "pretend mad." This is what I do when they are not getting something that I've been teaching for days. I also pull this trick out when they are doing something that's slightly annoying, but not bad enough to get really mad. To be "pretend mad," I put on my actor's hat and get loud and over-dramatic with my hand and arm movements. Basically I gripe them out with a smile on my face. It's similar to how I act when I'm really mad, but they can always tell the difference.

Maybe I complain a lot about my job (and it is difficult), but I do have fun at work as much as I can!

I Was An Idiot... And I Still Am

Do you ever feel like a straight-up idiot? I do. A lot.

Yesterday I had one of those idiot days. I was taking teaching licensure tests (yes, the dreaded PRAXIS tests). For some reason I did not know all the new rules they have now. (It was probably on the web site in the fine print somewhere. Does anyone ever read all that stuff you have to agree to? I think it would use up 5 years of your life if you did.)

Because of my lack of attention, I failed to realize that cell phones were not allowed. Thus I had mine out while I was checking in. (Hey, I was trying to turn it off.) The proctor told me I would have to set it on another table during the test. Oh well, I thought, I guess it's not the worst thing that could happen.

Later, when I went to the second test of the day, I asked an official-looking woman sitting at a table if I was supposed to check in with her. She said, "No, go check the sign to see where you need to go." So I checked the sign to find the room. Then I tried to go in, but they were still testing in there. Double oops. So the woman jumps up and says, "You can't go in there." Well, I know now, lady, why didn't you tell me before? Then I feel like an idiot again.

So I finally get into the test, and I'm sitting there, waiting for the test to start. The proctor reads an extremely long list of rules. I'm feeling proud of myself because I didn't bring my cell phone to this test. Then she reads: "Mechanical pencils are not allowed."

What??? Why are mechanical pencils not allowed? Can a person cheat using a mechanical pencil? Can they roll up the answers into the barrel and pull them out during the test? Ugh. I place my two mechanical pencils (that I used on the first test) back into my purse. Thankfully, I had picked up a spare regular pencil just in case.

I managed to survive the day in spite of the fact that I was a complete idiot. Whether or not I passed the tests remains to be seen.

To Take a Walk, Where Waters Flow

Why, on an overall good day, do I let little things get me down? On my way home from school I was in a bad mood. Reflecting over it as I drove, I realized it was based on three little annoying things that happened:

1. The kids said that my hair didn't look as good today as it did yesterday. (Why even bother to mention that, kids?)
2. A friend sent me a text saying she was going to do something that I thought was a bad idea, but I didn't feel I had the footing to tell her so.
3. I caught a student with a phone five minutes before the last bell rang. She wouldn't give it up, and, after some other drama, ended up getting suspended from school for a week for insubordination.

This kind of bad mood always compels me to go for a walk/jog. (I jog until I use up all the extra adrenalin, then I walk.) This time I left my phone behind so that I would have nothing to distract me. I just walked and thought.

It picked me up again this time, although it took a little longer than usual. I was determined to walk down to the river, which is about a mile, I guess. I walked down the street where I used to live as a teenager. (Oddly enough, I saw a childhood friend at his mother's house, where we used to shoot hoops in the driveway.) I walked by my old home that's the same, but different. I walked by houses that used to be there, replaced by houses that are new. I walked by trees, and looked up into their crowns to see if mistletoe still grows there. I walked down to the river, the river that is always different, yet the same still. At the river, I watched men loading a rusty barge with grain so that one end sunk down into the water, and wondered how many tons it could hold. I walked by the school, and wondered if someone in this school was wondering who I am, the way I do when I see someone at my school who is not a student. I walked by the old barn, where there used to be goats, but there are none now, and the roof is falling in. I walked by the cotton gin that my great-great-grandfather and great-grandfather ran many years ago, but now is just a brick skeleton.

By this time, I began to get very cold and tired. The wind began to blow harder, and the sun was too low in the sky to be of any help. I had to tie my hood down to keep my eardrums from throbbing. That's when I stopped thinking of anything other than, man, I wish I were home now!

Now the little things aren't bothering me so much. I left them behind somewhere between here and the river.

Freaky Friday

Something strange happened Friday. I don't know why. Maybe it was because of the nasty weather, or maybe because most of the less well-behaved children were in In-School Suspension. In any case, on Friday, most of my students were actually sweet to me. They spoke to me like I was a human being. They asked me about my weekend plans. They listened to me when I talked to them. It was great!

This weekend I have done very very little. I put together lesson plans yesterday, but I have not even touched the stack of papers I have to grade. I stayed up until 1:30 (old time) last night randomly surfing the internet. I wasn't even enjoying it that much, I just didn't want to go to bed.

This means that this week I am going to have to work like crazy to catch up. (Yeep!) On top of that, my church has a meeting almost every night this week.

But there is one bright spot. We get out on Thursday and Friday for professional development and the AEA meeting. Neither of which I have to do. Yay for days off!

OK, I'll bring this rambling, non-informative blog post to a close.

Education

I don't understand the U.S. education system.

I thought it would get clearer as I learned more about it, but in fact, it has become more and more confusing. In addition to being confusing, it seems to be just plain stupid at times.

One example: the federal government (and to some extent, the state government) really pushes technology. They even pay for most of our technology (smartboards, calculators, subscriptions to web educational services). However, we don't have enough people working on our technology to set it up and keep it working. I suppose there's no money for that; I'm not sure. So all this lovely technology ends up being practically useless because it's not working.

Another example: the state is trying to get students to make gains on standardized tests. That's good. But in their effort to improve education, they ask us teachers to complete scads of paperwork. When are we supposed to do all this paperwork? We already spend hours outside of school getting lessons together and grading student work. I can probably speak for most teachers when I say we just throw something together at the last minute to turn in. Does this help the students? Not likely.

Most of the projects they ask us to do are good projects. The sheer number of them, however, overwhelms. I have often said, and I will stand behind this, that only a superperson could complete everything that a teacher is asked to do.

Honestly, the state and federal government could improve education by encouraging families to stay together. Nothing too drastic, perhaps make divorces harder to get? I suppose it would be too much to ask for our government to take a moral stand. In the meantime, the educational system is being pulled in seventeen different directions, none of which is going to improve education.

Saving My Day

I have a melancholy temperament. This doesn't mean I'm sad all the time, but I do tend to easily fall into bad moods. When a bad mood hit me, I used to wallow in it, but lately I've learned to do some self-examination that helps me feel better.

I did this last week. It was the end of the school day, and I was in a black mood. When I realized that I was upset, but didn't know specifically why, I began to rewind through my day to figure out what exactly went wrong. I finally narrowed it down to something the principal said to me earlier in the day. From there, I decided that it probably wasn't intended to hurt my feelings, and that I should probably not let it ruin my day. After that, even though I still felt bad about that particular thing, I was able to segment it off from the rest of my life, and move on with a better attitude.

Knowing the reason why I am sad, upset, or angry has helped me to address the issue specifically. It also keeps me from blowing up on other people because I have failed to deal with my own problems. I don't know when or why I started doing this, but I highly recommend it.

You may have been doing this all along, and wonder what kind of weirdo I am. I'll just admit that I am way more likely to ignore my feelings than to address them. For me, this is a big step.

Do you have any other strategies for dealing with bad moods? (Well, besides eating chocolate.)

Going Into the Third Week of School

The good news is, my school reverted back to the old lesson plans (that were quicker to complete). The bad news is that I still didn't get everything finished last night like I wanted to. It only took me an hour and a half to finish up tonight, though. (If I had remembered to bring home all the papers I need to grade, it would have taken significantly longer.)

The beginning of the school year has been suprisingly easy so far. I have had some problems with some classes, but nothing like last year. The kids have been fairly compliant and I have only sent three students to the office for discipline. I hope it stays this way for the rest of the year.

The best part of being a second-year teacher is that I have already taught my subject once. I just have to review a bit, revamp the lesson by throwing away what didn't work last year and adding some new touches, and voila! I am ready for class.

It's past my bedtime. 5:30 comes early. Goodnight all!

Back to School

School starts on Wednesday. I'm planning to spend tomorrow and Tuesday getting my room straightened up and getting things together for the first days.

Our Open House was last Thursday. I was encouraged at the number of kids and parents who came out to the school. I bet I had 15-20 students who came by. Everyone seemed upbeat and ready for school to start.

Of course, I have one year of teaching behind me. In light of that year, I have compiled a list of

Things I Want to do Differently This Year:

1. I want to start the year off more organized. Last year, I tried to be organized, but because half the time I had no idea what I was doing, I often made up assignments on the fly. Then I didn't emphasize enough the projects that I really wanted to be done well (like their binders). This year, I am probably going to spend half a class period just discussing the binders (what needs to go in them and exactly how they need to be organized).
2. I want to be more encouraging. I started off cheerful and optimistic last year, but as the year went by, and I got bogged down in teacher stuff, I became, well, a grouch. It took me half the summer to recognize and get over that. I am going to watch my attitude, pray a lot, and do my best to keep smiling this year.
3. I want to be more helpful to low-performing students. I had several kids who failed last year, and while some of them did very little or no work, and thus probably couldn't be helped, there were some who I could have worked with more. I am going to try to identify the failing kids early on in the semester and get them the help that they need to pass my class.
4. I want to share Jesus with my students. Yes, I know that the classroom is not a place to "preach," but I have many many opportunities to share my faith and my moral values with my students on a daily basis. I want to be open to those opportunities. I want them to know that I am who I am because Jesus is who He is. I want them to know that they can have God's peace and joy in their lives too. (Another reason why I need to work on #3.)

This is just a short list. There are dozens of other aspects of my job that I am going to work on this year. I think I'm ready!