Christmas Vacation

Christmas vacation is the best vacation of the year, because it is too short to do anything really productive, but long enough to feel relaxing. And since it's in the dead of winter, I don't feel bad about sleeping late and doing nothing. Still, I managed to do a few things.

• I attended two family Christmases: one with my dad's family, and one with my mom's family.
• I participated in my church's Christmas program.
• I ALMOST finished the dress I started sewing before Thanksgiving.
• I paid one bill.
• I wrote one card.
• I taught the 3rd/4th grade class at my church's three-day Winter Bible School. (Yes, we are weird.)
• I made vegetable soup, butternut squash soup, and muddy buddies (aka puppy chow).
• I bought Christmas gifts for my dad (I drew his name this year), my grandmother, and my nieces and nephews.
• I bought a pair of boots for myself. (Isn't this what Christmas is about?)

Mainly, I tried to relax and enjoy the extra time I have to spend with my family. We don't have to actually be DOING something, we can just be together, right? That's what I think.

P.S. Butternut squash soup is not very good.

Life As I Know It

It's a rare moment when I am not feeling rushed, and now is one of those moments. I'm hiding in a coffee shop, where no one knows me. It's an hour and a half before I have to be anywhere. They're playing calm music. (Is it not strange that places whose main function is to sell a stimulant are usually quiet and calm?)

I'm currently working as a music teacher at the elementary school in my home town. Since I'm not certified to teach music, I am taking music classes at Harding University. So not only am I doing a new subject, at a new school, with new grades, but I am going to class two nights a week as well. It was a bit overwhelming at first, but I think I am getting used to it now.

I will post again next time I can string two thoughts together.

Update

Yeah, I haven't updated my blog in a while, and for good reason. I canceled my home internet services since I am moving (I hope) in a few weeks.

The place that I'm moving to, well, it doesn't have DSL, and internet is only available through satellite. (Doggone expensive, too.) I'm still debating whether I will get home internet, phone internet, or no internet. A lot depends on how much I am making when school starts again.

Which leads me to another update, which is not an update. I still don't have a teaching job for the next school year. It's not that I haven't tried, it's just that I've tried and failed. My back-up plan is to be a full-time substitute for the schools in the area. Maybe that will give me an edge on getting an actual position for the 2011-12 school year.

Still working on my house. The sewer's almost done, and I have primed almost all the walls and painted half the ceilings. It's slow, but it's moving.

After having no internet for a month now, I've realized something. I always blamed my time-wasting on my facebook/blog-reading addiction, but that was not completely fair. Technology of any kind is not necessary for me to waste time. In fact, I think that maybe I NEED to waste time in order to reset my brain. That's my current theory, anyway.

Perpetual Project

I've been out of school for over a week now, but I've been staying pretty busy working on my house. This project is going to eat me. Reminding myself that I'm getting it done bit by bit is the only way I can keep myself from being overwhelmed.

Here's a few things I've learned so far:

1. Don't pick out paint by looking for your favorite color amongst the 7 billion paint chips. Instead find something you like that's going in that room (a picture, a piece of furniture, etc.) and pick colors that jive with it. Also remember that what is bright and cheery on a tiny paint chip is going to be screaming at you when it's all over the walls. I still haven't got up the nerve to actually buy any paint other than primer.

2. Remodeling creates trash. It creates broken pieces of wood with nails sticking out everywhere. It creates packaging lying around. It creates parts of dismantled objects strewn across the room. It creates an old mattress in the back yard. Well, not really. We pushed that one out the door ourselves.

3. Everything I need to buy is expensive. Remodeling may be cheaper than buying new, but it still ain't cheap. I'm pretty sure I'm going to buy used appliances from newspaper ads just for this reason.

4. The best part so far is that I can work for a few hours, then sit back and see what I've done. It's slow, but I can SEE progress. That's good.

Maybe I will get some pictures up here eventually so all of you at home can see it too!

Growing

I've been waiting a lot lately. In my life, there are several things up in the air right now, and I'm not sure how they are going to work out. There is not much I can do to hurry them along, so I'm left wondering and waiting.

I don't like to wait. Unfinished business stresses me out. Uncertainty scares me. I want to know what is going to happen, and I want to know it now.

God doesn't give me what I want when I want it, though. He wants me to have faith in His work. He's not so much interested in keeping me happy as He is interested in making me holy, and holiness is not a character trait one can pick up at the grocery store. It's a life-long process.

I want to grow fast. I want to jump in and be a spiritual giant all at once. The Lord reminds me that growth occurs little by little. A sapling doesn't become a tree in an hour, a day, or a year, but over a lifetime. In the same way, my growth is occurring a little at a time. I'm extending my branches day by day.

But, oh, am I impatient to get there! And not only that, but I try to grow my own fruit. I nurse along little sucker branches that I know shouldn't be there. Somehow I think that if they grow big enough and strong enough, God will allow them to become part of the tree. I spend precious energy nourishing those branches, just to have the Gardener come along and SNIP them off. Oh, that hurts!

I'm encouraged, though, because I feel like my faith IS growing. Even if it's just baby steps, little by little, inch by inch, it's something. And whether or not my life issues get resolved to my liking or not, I have faith that they will be resolved in the way that is BEST for me.

Memorial Day Weekend

o0O 4 More Days of School O0o

Awesome.

It's been a great Memorial Day weekend. I have spent time with grandparents, aunts, uncles, great-aunts, cousins, and some people who I never have figured out the exact relational title. Spending time with relatives is a bit like looking in the mirror, although the image that stares back at you is not EXACTLY like you. It's interesting to see how genetics play out among the different members of the family.

My brother-in-law preached at my church this Sunday. He talked about how we as Christians have to look around us, see what's going on, and make a plan for what we're doing in our Christian walk. After all, the Devil has plans. If we are to be successful at what we do, first of all we need to know what we are attempting to do. Most of the time, and I speak for myself here, we just float along without considering the big picture.

That's it for deep thoughts today. I will have to be more imaginative next week.

Odds and Ends

o0O 9 More Days of School O0o

Indeed, school is almost done except for final tests and wrapping up of Stuff. You know, very important Stuff like Awards, Turning In of Books, and Cleaning Out of Lockers. Of course, there is also the ever-present desire to have a Free Day. Which is not entirely unattractive to the teacher as well as the student, but the teacher, being the Adult, has to say, Sorry, Kids, No Dice.

Since it is my last year at Clarendon, I'm feeling a bit nostalgic about the whole thing. I even got a bit of moisture in my eyes at graduation on Friday. I keep looking at the kids and thinking about how they're going to grow up, how they're going to have a different teacher next year, how they're going to forget all about me in about 20 days. Yeah.

I still don't have a job lined up for next year. If you know of anything open in my area, drop me a line, please. I have been doing quite a bit of scouting with no luck so far.

In other news, I bought a new laptop. The keyboard went out in my old one. It might be repairable, but I couldn't see going without for two or three weeks. When I realized that the old computer was that far gone, I got a knowledgeable friend to help me pick a new one out. I've been thinking about buying one for a while, but hadn't done it because of the expense. Now I am learning how to use Windows 7. (It's surprisingly similar to Mac OS X.)

Guess I'm ready to be back at school tomorrow bright and early! As I often tell myself, whether the days go badly or well, they will go.

Red + Blue

run run run
Red runs
Red runs far
come back, Red
Red does not hear

Blue stays
Blue stays home
come back, Red, says Blue
Red does not hear

Blue is sad
Red is too far
Blue does not like it

Red is sad
Red is too far
Red does not like it
Red will run now
Red will run home

No Answers

o0O 19 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL O0o

Yes, indeed, and only three more Mondays to go because Memorial Day is a holiday. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

I am feeling less stressed now, mainly because I took Friday off and went to see my sister and her new baby for a couple of days. It was very relaxing to play with the niece and nephew and help my sister go shopping. Mommies with small children don't do anything quickly, and that's exactly what I needed, a slow pace. I do have to remind myself often that "more" plus "quickly" doesn't always equal "better."

No real solutions to anything that's been hovering unanswered have appeared. In fact, other unpleasant issues have arisen. But that's OK. I know God is in charge, and I know He loves me. If there is anything to suffer through, I will suffer through it holding His hand, and I know I can make it with Him.

OK, I promise next time I will post on a lighter topic.

HELP!

o0O 24 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL O0o

I am still stressing. I don't know how to make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!

I know I don't have much to worry about. I know that it will all work out. Still, it's like there's something broken in my brain and I can't turn it off. And there's also a big part of me that just wants to escape and not have to deal with life.

Lately I've just felt, well, neurotic. Mainly I just want people to leave me alone. I want to do my own thing without interference. When people (especially my family) disrupt my plans, the grouch monster returns.

I apologize for my rotten mood. It is seriously icky and I need to get rid of it. I would say I'm trying, but I'm really not, cause I've lost all motivation. My Superhero will have to dig me out of this one.

Stress City

I didn't post last week because I was working on lesson plans clear into Sunday night. I avoided that this week by getting them done early this time. Ergh. I am SO ready for summer vacation.

This week has been full of stressful events. I had an interview for a different job on Tuesday. My sister had a baby on Wednesday, and the baby is still in the hospital from complications. (He should be getting out soon.) I had a date on Friday with a guy I had never been out with before. Then our school prom was Saturday night, and I just couldn't bring myself to go. I just needed some time to chill.
Because of everything going on, I have been even more spacey than normal. For example, yesterday I was going to cook some chicken to make enchiladas with. I put the water on to boil, then an hour and a half later, I walked through the kitchen and noticed the water boiling. I had forgotten I had even started it! Then after I put the chicken in the pot, I forgot about it too. I didn't remember it again until I had already gotten ready for bed. I got up to check the thermostat, and there the chicken was, on the stove, boiling away. I'm so glad I was feeling a bit hot!
I'm trying not to worry about anything. I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying to trust the Lord. Say, when does this get easier??

This is my new nephew, Logan. I think he has the West nose.

Life Changing

OK, I admit it, I've become a TLC watcher. It started off innocently enough with "What Not to Wear." Then I kept watching through "Hoarders." Now I want to catch "19 Kids and Counting." When does that come on?

It's so interesting to see people change over the course of the show. I love to see the people on "What Not to Wear" get transformed into more stylish versions of themselves, and I love to see the people on "Hoarders" finally get their houses cleaned up. (Actually, the first part of the show makes me want to clean uncontrollably. I mean, what if I end up like that?)

I'm enamored with the idea of making life better and better and better until finally I have reached the maximum most amazing life ever. Is this an American way to think? It's not very realistic.

My idea of getting better and better needs to be replaced. Instead I need to prioritize more. It's not really necessary that I do everything that I think of to do. If I am busy doing something important (like playing with my nephews, for example), it's not terrible that I didn't do something less important (like washing my car). I guess, really, it's about balance and cutting myself a little slack in some areas, while being a bit more disciplined in others.

I think I'm figuring this out. There is no easy life, we just have to do the best we can with the one we've got.

I'm glad God is gracious, and that He is in control. Otherwise I would become totally psychotic trying to make it all work out.

Ending/Beginning (Because They're the Same)

...49 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL...

Yes, I am getting ready for this school year to be over. The seniors have about a month left, then they will be gone. We've finished one end-of-course test (literacy), but there are a jillion left to get through (algebra, algebra II, geometry, biology), and there are all the AP tests, the 9th grade norm-referenced test, and the benchmarks for 7th and 8th grades (which luckily won't affect me). Actually, none of the tests affect my subjects at all (a blessing). They just interrupt my classes.

Tests are what we are going to be suffering through over the next 49 days. Then when we finish all of those, we are going to give our own semester tests. And I hope I can squeeze in the rest of the material that I need to cover for the year, especially in Physical Science. Reteaching topics that the students had trouble with slowed us down a lot. (But of course moving ahead when they still don't get it makes about as much sense as putting your shoes on before your socks.)

On the home front, since I have resigned my position for next year, I have been scouting for jobs at schools closer to home. I've had a few jobs turn up, but not a lot. I am feeling a bit nervous, but excited about what next year is going to bring.

I'm also working on my house. I have a mobile home parked on my dad's land. It has electricity hooked up to it, but that's all. It is in no way livable right now, and I really want to be able to move in when school is out June 4th. Before I move in I have to get a driveway laid, the water line run from the meter, the floors redone (they have water damage), the walls painted, and some new appliances put in. That is not the work of one weekend.

OK, so I am going a bit crazy with these tasks swimming around in my head. Maybe I should start a few dozen lists...

It's Not Easy Street, But That's OK

The Christian life has been compared to a journey, a race, and a battle. Most Christians would say that being a Christian is a learning experience and a test of endurance. No one can say that he is through learning and growing.

I was reminded of this recently when talking to my sister. She told me about a friend of hers that was comparing their Christian lives. Her friend commented that she barely reads the Bible but she has less trouble than my sister, who reads her Bible frequently. Her friend didn't understand this seeming contradiction. Shouldn't my sister be blessed more because of her dedication?

This is a misconception of Christianity. Many people believe that the more you serve Jesus, the smoother your life will be. They believe that if you are close to God, He will send obvious blessings and trouble will never find you.

Maybe that is true for some Christians, but I can tell you it hasn't been for me. In my life I have had trouble, trouble on the outside and trouble on the inside. Whether I was close to God or far from God, it didn't seem to matter. Trouble still came.

The key for me is to remember that I do not serve God to make my life easier. I don't bargain with Him, sacrificing pieces of my life so that He will smooth out the other parts. It's not like that with Him.

Then why do I serve God? I serve God because I love Him. Because I know He loves me. Because even though my life is not smooth, I can see His hand in it. I am learning and growing and stepping higher and higher. I am becoming who I want to be, who I long to be, and He is making it happen.

When I die, it's not going to matter if my life was easy. No one is going to remember me as being a golden child. What people will remember is if I was humble, kind, patient, gentle, loving, honest, and righteous. And when I stand before my Maker, it's going to make all the difference in the world if I can say to Him, "I kept on trying. I kept on getting up whenever I fell. I kept on trusting you, no matter what. I stayed in the fight, the race, the battle." That is what I want.

Japan (Why I Will Never Go)

I squirmed quietly in the hard airplane seat, trying to stretch my legs out. Through the scratched window, I could see thick gray clouds swirling by. From where I sat, I could reach over and touch my mother's hand on the armrest to my right. My younger sister occupied the window seat. Directly in front of me sat my father, and my brother sat across the aisle. They claimed that having aisle seats was more important than sitting together.

Japan is a mysterious country, a land of apple blossoms and rice paddies. It is a land of skyscrapers and simple farmers. It is a land of tradition and secrets. It was where we were going to spend the next two years of our lives.

But before we could enjoy Japan, we had to endure the fourteen-hour flight there. Personally, my endurance was beginning to run out. The cramped way I had to sit, the filthiness of the tiny airplane toilets, and the endless cycling of stale movies through the back-of-the-seat screen were all starting to get to me. I was ready for it to be over NOW.

I glanced out the window again. A break was visible through the clouds. At first I thought I was looking at darker clouds beneath us, but then I noticed the breaking waves.

The ocean was rising to meet us! I panicked, grasping my mother's hand hard. "We're going down!" I heard myself say. My mother looked at me oddly as the plane hit the water with a gurgle of water and a snap of the wings breaking off.

My Grumpy Cocoon

I complain too much.

This is a continual thing with me. Often, when I am talking to someone, the first thought that pops into my head is a complaint. There always seems to be something wrong or someone is always getting on my nerves. I'll just face it, I'm plain grumpy.

A few days ago, a friend clued me in to how discontented I am. "You seem downhearted," she said. Oh, no, I thought, really? Did other people think that as well?

It's helpful to get that kind of feedback. I took a step back and reviewed my behavior. Yes, I do complain too much. Yes, I do let my problems suck the joy out of my daily life. Now, what to do about it?

The first thing I did was talk to the Lord. The Lord has promised that I can have joy in my life even when I have problems. If I am not joyful, there is a problem in my relationship with God.

Through prayer I realized that I am resentful because I feel I am not being appreciated for what I do. I realized that I am discontented because I believe I am not getting all that I deserve. I am letting seeds of bitterness grow in my soul and take the place of the good fruits that should be there.

Easy fix? Yes and no. No, because it was hard to own up to that resentment and bitterness. I could not believe that it had gotten that bad! Yes, because once I reminded myself that a loving God gives me everything that I need, the resentment and bitterness melted away.

God is like that, though. I get all cocooned up in some sin, then He takes the time to cut through the mess, and when the light finally shows through, I emerge, wondering why in the world didn't I do that sooner!

The Awakening

I thought I was dead

I thought that I was buried under a mountain of rocks

Then came the burning, the aching

Then came the sweet shrill song of the new birds

And a cracking and breaking of the dried-out earth

It stirred inside me like a opening seed, pushing up

It brought to me the memory of goodness

Of life, of joy, of heart bursting with love

It surprised me, a little

I had forgotten the rising passion

Suppressed for so long, I thought the germ of life was gone

But as it opened inside me

I opened up around it

I let it engulf me, engulf me and make me new

I have risen again, new like spring

The God of All Comfort

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. I Cor 1: 3,4

The vital question that a suffering person asks is, why am I going through this pain?

My family is not immune. We are suffering right now with my dad in the hospital for open-heart surgery. Many of us have been asking why.

Dad has strong faith. He believes God. He believes that God is sovereign, and that God keeps His promises. Even though he has strong faith, he questions God's will. God knows we can little afford a hospital bill, and it will be difficult with Dad unable to work.

I think we all realize that God does not always work the way we think He should. He does what is right and true, but in His own way. His purposes and ours do not always merge. For one example, look at the life of the apostle Paul.

Could anyone say that Paul was not a servant of God? Still, he suffered. Paul told the Corinthians that his suffering allowed him to accept God's comfort. After he had been comforted, he was then able to comfort others who were also suffering.

Some of us find it simple to show love and concern to others. On the other hand, we find it infinitely harder to accept the same. We also find it hard to truly sympathize with the pain of others. Through suffering, we become better able both to give and accept charity.

God is good, and through his teaching, I am learning to accept His comfort. I am grateful for His care, and also for the care shown by His people. Through the hands of frail humans the love of God is spread abroad. Though I do not understand perfectly, I trust Him.

Declaration of Independence

Do you ever feel that guilt runs your life?

I've realized that the guilt factor plays a big part in my daily activities. I feel guilty when I throw things away, let opportunities slide, or fail to do something that I've been asked to do (whether or not I agreed to do it).

This is my Declaration of Independence.

• I will no longer fill out surveys for you. No, not you, Wal-Mart, or you, Dollar General, or you, random web site. I won't do it.

• I will no longer return product registration cards. No, I will not, despite the threats of not knowing about product recalls.

• I will not read emails from politicians or their cronies. I don't need them. Anything they say could be read in the newspaper with less bias.

• I will not read forwards, whether text or email. If they're funny, I've probably seen them before. If they're gooey, I do not want to see them.

• I will not download "free" products. A synonym for "free" in this case should be "useless."

• I will not make my bed. At least, I won't feel guilty when I don't. (I haven't made my bed regularly since 2003, but I feel guilty about it at times. Especially when other people look at it.)

There's nothing wrong with doing any of these things. The problem occurs when these activities take up time that I would rather use doing something else, like spending time with my friends and family.

I refuse to be guilted into mindless, useless, tasks any longer.

Is there something you don't do that you feel guilty about?

My Valentine's Day Post

I love my students.

You probably wouldn't think so after I've spent a day with them. I tend to get frustrated and tired, and at the end of the day I am completely ready to go home. Still, there's a bond there that can't be denied.

I worry about my students. I worry about the ones who use drugs on a regular basis. I worry about the ones who can barely read and write. I worry about the ones who have young children or babies on the way. I worry about the ones who are used and abused.

I laugh inside when a student says, "You just don't like me." If they only knew that I pour my soul into my work day after day. If they only knew that I cannot allow myself to fail them. If they only knew how I agonize over them when they fail.

I have to remind myself often that it's not my job to always help them. That it's my job to show them how they can help themselves. That it's my job to guide them into being fully capable students. And maybe guide them into being better people.

Finally, I have to remember that I can't change them. They can choose to listen to my teaching, or they can choose to ignore me. It's not up to me, no matter how I feel.

That's a freeing thought. I love them, and let them go.

Stalkers, Take Note

I feel a rant coming on.

I am frustrated with women who continue to chase men who are not interested in them. The guy has made it totally clear he is not interested. And yet, these women keep thinking about the guy and talking about the guy to anyone who will listen.

Why, oh why would you want a guy who does not want you? What screwed-up kind of relationship would that be? Get a life and get over him!

Men can be just as guilty. It is fine for a guy to ask a girl out two or even three times. But, listen, if she keeps making up stupid excuses not to go out with you, she's probably not interested. You should leave her alone. There are other women out there.

The neediness becomes totally unattractive after a while. In my experience, I've really been annoyed with a guy when he chased me and chased me when I didn't want him. When he stopped trying so hard, then he became more interesting. I don't know why this is, but it is.

I'm not saying don't try to get the girl you want. I'm saying pay attention to her cues, and don't keep pursuing hot and heavy when she keeps turning you down.

And girls, if a guy is clearly not interested, don't hound him. Let him go. After all, men are like buses: if you don't get this one, there will be another one along in a few minutes. :)

There. That's the end of my rant.

Cabin Fever

It was a long weekend, a very long weekend. School was canceled Friday because of the icy roads. The roads also kept me from going ANYWHERE for the past three days. (Except church, but that's only a couple of blocks from my house.)

Since I couldn't go anywhere, I had to keep myself entertained at home. I'm like a four-year-old when it comes to entertainment. I am easily bored.

On Friday I managed to grade most of my students' papers (I had a four-inch stack), do the laundry, burn off a cd, and watch two movies (House and Groundhog Day). Saturday I finished all my lesson plans for the week and the weekly agenda that I give to the students. I don't think I have ever before finished everything I had to do for school over a weekend, but the snow and ice drove me to it.

By 2 PM on Saturday I couldn't stand to be in the house much longer. Since I was warned against driving, I went for a walk instead, if you can call it a walk. I think I slid more than I took actual steps. I'm still sore. Almost falling dozens of times is better than crunches at working those abs.

Later on Saturday, I decided a project was in order. I have a book of sewing projects using old jeans, and I've been collecting them for a while in preparation for this. Finally I had time to work on it.

What I made was a balloon skirt. The instructions call for one pair of old jeans. The problem is, you are supposed to cut the legs in half for the bottom part of the skirt. Since they are folded under, however, that makes the skirt shorter than I think people would appreciate from me. Instead I used two pair of jeans and didn't cut the legs in half. Viola! A knee-length skirt. Much better on the eyes. I also patched up all the holes in the top part of the jeans with another pair of jeans. (Hey, these jeans were thrown away for a reason!) Oh, yeah, and another alteration was that I had to put a triangle of fabric in the hip area. These weren't my jeans to start with and weren't exactly my size. Picture follows.


I was so happy with my creation (despite being told it should only be worn on Halloween) that I wore it to church Sunday night. (It would have been much warmer if I had leggings to wear under it.)I I felt like a biker chick because ended up wearing a black dress shirt and black boots with it. I don't have a picture of that, unfortunately.

So tomorrow, back to work (assuming I can get there) and no more boredom for a while!

Having Fun at Work

The best part of teaching is playing games with the students. I love it when a class has a running joke with me, or even when a kid has a running joke with me. It makes the day more cheerful if we can have a little fun.

My 8th period class is one example. At some point, I told them that I thought David Archuleta was cute. Of course, they ran with this. Things have progressed so that now David and I have been dating, engaged, and through a break-up. They add to the story almost daily. I pretend to be annoyed, but I actually think it is rather funny.

Fifth period always tries to outsmart me with some kind of word play. This is my pre-AP class, and they are stretching their mental muscle. Since I've got a few years on them, it's hard for them to catch me, but occasionally one of them does. Then that student is happy for the rest of the period.

One of my favorite games to play is "pretend mad." This is what I do when they are not getting something that I've been teaching for days. I also pull this trick out when they are doing something that's slightly annoying, but not bad enough to get really mad. To be "pretend mad," I put on my actor's hat and get loud and over-dramatic with my hand and arm movements. Basically I gripe them out with a smile on my face. It's similar to how I act when I'm really mad, but they can always tell the difference.

Maybe I complain a lot about my job (and it is difficult), but I do have fun at work as much as I can!

I Was An Idiot... And I Still Am

Do you ever feel like a straight-up idiot? I do. A lot.

Yesterday I had one of those idiot days. I was taking teaching licensure tests (yes, the dreaded PRAXIS tests). For some reason I did not know all the new rules they have now. (It was probably on the web site in the fine print somewhere. Does anyone ever read all that stuff you have to agree to? I think it would use up 5 years of your life if you did.)

Because of my lack of attention, I failed to realize that cell phones were not allowed. Thus I had mine out while I was checking in. (Hey, I was trying to turn it off.) The proctor told me I would have to set it on another table during the test. Oh well, I thought, I guess it's not the worst thing that could happen.

Later, when I went to the second test of the day, I asked an official-looking woman sitting at a table if I was supposed to check in with her. She said, "No, go check the sign to see where you need to go." So I checked the sign to find the room. Then I tried to go in, but they were still testing in there. Double oops. So the woman jumps up and says, "You can't go in there." Well, I know now, lady, why didn't you tell me before? Then I feel like an idiot again.

So I finally get into the test, and I'm sitting there, waiting for the test to start. The proctor reads an extremely long list of rules. I'm feeling proud of myself because I didn't bring my cell phone to this test. Then she reads: "Mechanical pencils are not allowed."

What??? Why are mechanical pencils not allowed? Can a person cheat using a mechanical pencil? Can they roll up the answers into the barrel and pull them out during the test? Ugh. I place my two mechanical pencils (that I used on the first test) back into my purse. Thankfully, I had picked up a spare regular pencil just in case.

I managed to survive the day in spite of the fact that I was a complete idiot. Whether or not I passed the tests remains to be seen.

Should You Have Skipped Christmas?

You Know You Should Have Skipped Christmas and Gone to Barbados Instead When

• Your sister regifted you with a FunYun-scented candle.
  
• None of the parties you went to served those mini sausages. All they had was sour Kool-Aid masquerading as punch and generic brand cream-filled vanilla cookies.
• Instead of a White Christmas, you had a Wet Christmas. Because it wouldn't stop raining.
• You got a Christmas card from your brother, but only because he was in prison and didn't have anything else to do. Also, he asked for money to buy Cheetos.
• Santa Claus didn't visit your house. It was too far out of the way, so he sent his cousin Larry the Leprechaun. Larry sold your gifts to add to his pot of gold, but still came to eat the cookies and milk.
  
• Your kids got carried away with the Christmas decorations and spray-painted a wreath on the front of your car.
• You went to a department store after Christmas to buy discounted Christmas items, but all that was left were Dora the Explorer ornaments and fruitcake.

There, now doesn't your Christmas seem a lot better now?

Always happy to help!

Guess it will be back to work tomorrow; back to the grind and ho-hum. It's all well and good. I was starting to get bored without my chilluns anyway. :)